So, I’ve been quiet lately, and I wanted to explain why.

Admittedly, part of it is laziness–I am utterly uninspired for a lot of things, and ergo, I’m just playing video games and chillin’. Writing is haaaard, okay, and I’m bad at sticking to something.

Part of it is that I’ve had a migraine for close to a month (23 days, to be exact). That would kill anyone’s inspiration, but I’ve been trying to write stuff even with one, and honestly? What’s coming out is utter shit.

But, the reason I’ve been absent since Wednesday afternoon, and will be so until at least next Wednesday…

My father died. They found his body Wednesday at 3:21pm, after the police had to force entry into his apartment.

It’s no secret that I never got along with the man, despite trying desperately hard to be the perfect daughter I could never be. He was an abusive misogynist, who hated himself so much he could never love anyone else, not truly.

I’ve lived my life in fear for 27 years, and now, I am free.

And yet. (Raise your hands if you were expecting that!)

I’m saddened, somehow, by his passing. There’s now no hope of him having a “Come-to-deity-of-choice” moment, and us having a real relationship. I will never have a man I can call father, not really; part of me will forever be incomplete.

I hate him, and I’m angry with him for dying, but I’m also rejoicing in the fact that he’ll never hurt anyone else. Maybe now, I can begin to heal.

Maybe now, I can find a way to become complete.