You know, everyone always talks about virgin girls, like they’re the only ones who see unicorns.

Well, as a sexually active guy, I can assure you that it’s simply untrue.

Fairy tales are interesting in that they’re usually exaggerated tales, told to explain morals and entertain children. They’re also… How do I put this? They’re also hints of truth that peek through a very, very thin veil.

So. Unicorns, right? Always gravitate toward virgin ladies. Never a college man who’s had a few women.

It went down like this. I was on a date with Jessica Schwartz in the park after dark. It was a warm spring night, clear and beautiful, like her eyes. We were laying on a blanket, pointing out constellations, and drinking beer when I leaned over to kiss her. Things proceeded fairly quickly, and my hand was under her bra when I heard a snort, kind of a mix between a horse’s whinny and a human sound of derision.

I looked up, mouth smeared with her mauve lipstick, and saw…

You know, I’m still not sure what I saw. It was a black horse, with a flaming mane and tail, and a silver horn on the middle of its forehead, emerging from a copse of trees toward us. Jess told me later that she saw a unicorn, but that’s definitely not what I saw. Well, okay, it had a horn, but otherwise…. It was a nightmare given form.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that I jumped off her faster than grease on a hot skillet. She looked up at me in confusion, lipstick smeared and clothing disheveled. The horse-thing stomped the ground and reared, flames spewing from its hooves.

I turned and ran without looking back, leaving Jess to her fate.

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